IVF Extravaganza

Look out brides and mothers-to-be. As you have monopolized the celebration circuit for the duration of eternity, it is time to move aside for a new kind of party: IVF extravaganza.

I have taken the liberty to compare the three occasions to see how they compare in a head-to-head competition with one another.

The main event show piece

Bride: Sparkly engagement ring

MTB: Baby bump

IVF: Brand new Gonal-F injection kit complete with rubbing alcohol pads and daily needles.

Winner: MTB

Sweet celebration treat

Bride: Over-the-top, multi-tiered, overpriced cake

MTB: chocolate and vanilla cupcakes with either pink or blue frosting

IVF: Homemade coffee cake with fertility based acronyms and an equal amount of sperm and egg, elaborately decorated with frosting. (Thanks Heather! Best cake ever)

Winner: IVF








Celebration Drinks

Bride: Champagne and punch

MTB: Punch

IVF: Vodka

Winner IVF

Attitude of Honored guest

Bride: Excited in the beginning, stressed, bitchy and hormonal at the end

MTB: Excited and scared throughout, but also bitchy and hormonal

IVF: Bitchy and hormonal

Winner: Draw

General cost involved

Bride:$20,000

MTB: $100,000 plus future college expenses

IVF: $16,000 plus repeating cycles

Winner: MTB

Celebratory gifts

Bride:Household items

MTB:Baby items

IVF: Items for ME!! Like a personal printed photo from Bali (Thanks Lisa!)

Winner: IVF

Threads

Bride:Beautiful wedding gown

MTB:Cute dress that shows off baby bump

IVF:Magic red sweats.

Winner: Bride (Although, magic red sweats were a close second)

Food

Bride:Prime rib buffet

MTB: Finger sandwiches and quiche

IVF: Nearest happy hour

Winner: IVF

Decorations

Bride:Flower and floating candle centerpieces with satin overlays and matching chair covers

MTB: Pastel balloons, "It's a girl/boy!" sign, and diapers filled with melted Milky Way

IVF: Tag board sign that says, "BFP! BFP!"

Winner: Bride

Games

Bride: Guessing game about how well guests know couple

MTB: Guessing game uncovering the mystery baby food flavors and chocolate substance in diaper

IVF: Guessing game with egg and sperm quality/quantity

Winner: Draw

Theme song

Bride: Another One Bites the Dust

MTB: Rainin' Babies

IVF: Don't Stop Believing

Winner: IVF

Selfish obsession level between 1-10

Bride:11

MTB:11

IVF:11

Winner: Draw

Grand Tally:

Bride:2

MTB:1

IVF:4

IVF Extravaganza, here we come